Alcohol

Sobriety...

Alcohol is substance that I first took that changed my perception dramatically.

It was 7 years ago. I started drinking hard liquor right from the start. 

It was introduced to me when I was studying in the states.
The effect was immediate and I remember laughing uncontrollably. 

I loved drinking in a car at night and I was not driving. 

It was very ambient with quiet street with trees passing by.

Alcohol reduced anxiety dramatically and everything was just awesome but

it got worse and I started getting into fights, blackouts, doing stupid stuff soon. 

I learnt they were bad but I thought it was cool at the time. 

The great time of being drunk won anything that I have done bad in a few days.

However, everything I have done is stored in my brain somewhere so that guilt 

just piles up. Normal people would just stop drinking or control how much they 

drink but I couldn't from the beginning.

I have tried to quit and I have relapsed many times. 

I didn't know that I had anxiety until I had some good run of sober time. 

Shyness is something to do with anxiety. I always thought I am shy but it is anxiety. 

Alcohol melts off anxiety. That feeling is just so good. 

The drunk state became normal and normal became not normal. Reversed.

People with anxiety probably suffer from alcohol problems.

People with no mental issues will be ok with alcohol? 

I am 50 days sober and I think writing publicly helps because

I don't see a doctor or go to AA. Motivation to write came from being sober for a while?

I had many drug use after but I guess I will talk about that some other time.